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Oh. My. God.

In other news, a big update to include the past few shit-filled weeks coming shortly ^_^

Leave me a comment saying "Resistance is Futile."
• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions
kessie gave me:

1. Your biggest regret in a path not taken?

This is a tough one to answer. I've been through a lot of things through my own actions that have caused a considerable amount of pain, heartache and trouble but to look back and ask myself if I had wished to do any of it differently? I don't know if I would. I suppose the one thing I regret is spending waaaay too much money on crap when I spent my time in America.

2. What's your favourite season?

Winter. But only a proper winter - icy cold (not wet) and really deep snow while I'm snuggled up in either a really thick coat/scarf/gloves or looking out over the countryside at night while sitting next to the fire. It makes me stop and really think about things.

3. What was your favourite holiday?

Not a holiday of my own exactly, but when Amber came over here for easter when I was *thinks* 17. It was probably the most complete I've ever felt in my life for a lot of different reasons. Also the most fun I've had that I can remember.

4. What's your dream job?

With what I'm currently capable of? Pretty much what I do now. Website design.


5. Barring university and qualifications etc., what would be your dream job?

A really nerdy job. Something gaming related :D

It turns out that Lila has heart problems and is now on different medication. I'm hoping that it hasn't been left too late to diagnose it - we've just got to keep her stress free until things start kicking in and working. I have to take her back in a week for a check up, but here's to hoping! *crosses fingers*

I now need to get on the task of writing up a lengthy letter to someone who probably thinks I'm seriously creepy and weird, but we'll see :D

Now, seems like I need to catch up on more sleep than I thought...

First: If you've been tagged, you must write your answers in your own LJ and replace any question that you dislike with a new, original question.

Second: Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

Tagging: Um I don't think I have 8 friended people on this thing. So whoever reads it!

Who sleeps in bed next to you?
Po, although he tends to sleep in the middle of the bed and all over me rather than next to me.

Have you ever lied to a teacher to get out of a deadline?
If primary/secondary school counts, dozens of times :D

What kind of magazines do you read?
Only the ones sitting around in waiting rooms, or a cheesy gossip mag if nothing else is sitting there and I'm really bored

If you could see one band in concert right now, any band, dead or alive, which would it be?
Dream Theatre. I'd pick Yes, but I'm already booked to see them in November ^.^

What's really creepy?
Furries. The bad kind.

Name one odd item within five feet of you.
The contents of my entire desk is odd? I suppose the most out of place thing would be a box of Chicken Oxo Cubes. Come to think of it, why on earth is that there O_o

What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
D&D. Has been for a while. Unless you count trying to hack my PSP.

What are you listening to right now?
The hum of my PC. How boring..

What are you most excited for?
Um... the chance of maybe possibly getting a Husky sometime soon.

What websites do you always visit when you go online?
*reads out FireFox bookmark toolbar* LJ friends page, XKCD comic, LFG comic, OotS comic, and many many online character sheets/play by post D&D games. I'm such a nerd.

What was the last thing you bought?
Bedding for the rats.

What's you favorite season?
Spring or Winter. Depends how well "defined" they are.

Does the weather affect your mood?
Only if I want to go out and it's raining.

What is your zodiac sign?
Virgo

Do you want to learn another language?
Japanese. I'll probably never get around to it, but I've always thought it is a beautiful language.

5 things (not people) you can't live without?
Internet, D&D, Good food, Car, my current bed.

Do you have any siblings?
I have a half-brother somewhere.

What's something you'd like to say to someone right now?
Maybe you should look at yourself before blaming everyone else around you for your downfalls.

What's your earliest memory?
(helps if I delete the original answer first) I have a memory of calling at the top of the stairs for my parents to come to bed at the age of around 3 or so.

Say something to the person who tagged you:
I hit Save to Draft instead of Send on your email and only just realised >.> *resends*

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On another note, Lila is still hanging in there. I don't think it's a tumour anymore though - I let her in the bathroom with a really hot shower running and gave her a good steam and she seemed to perk up a little. That wouldn't have happened if it was something pushing to stop her from breathing properly, so I'm taking her to a different vet today in the hopes they have a different antibiotic to offer.

I also smell of Dettol, but it just happens to be the best and cheapest paint remover for plastic models I've ever come across.

Good news is that it's my birthday saturday and we're going on holiday for the week again. Po and I have booked a table at the Camelot restaurant again, and hoping that it's as nice as last time. God was it gorgeous.

Bad news is that we think Lila, one of our sweet sweet little girls, has a tumour somewhere that is causing her problems breathing. There really isn't much we can do about it to be honest, just keep her happy and comfortable until it's time to let her go. Then again it could just be a really stubborn infection that might get shifted with the steroids/antibiotic combo we've been given. She's had a happy life running around the living room chewing the cables at the back of the TV without us knowing......

It's really strange. I was talking to someone last night and just happened to mention weirdness in our lives, choices and dodged bullets, and I realised that my life right now is probably the closest to normal it's ever going to get. Even if it is still a long long way away from it :D

Dear Spider,

When I'm going to bed at a later time than I should be doing, I'd whole-heartedly appreciate it if you didn't sit there the size of a small child on my curtains right beside my bed. No, really. I can understand that I wasn't able to catch that fly before I retired for my evening rest, but I didn't ask for help with it. Especially when the only thing I have to deal with you is the Bucket and Spade™ that I bought from holiday last year with its very short handle, and it's too late to turn the hoover on.

Why do I ask this? Because I fear you. Why? Because you and your 8-legged-ness has the ability to move like lightning. I don't know about you, but lightning is considerably slower than both my reactions and my eyesight can keep up with at that time of night. So if you could just sod off and not come back, I would be very happy.

Bastard.

Regards,

Going To Bed With Shoes On...

As I said before, first thing you realise about moving is how much shit you have. It also reminds you of how long said shit took to pack away and make tidy. Then how much time it's going to take to do it all over again.

As for t'interwebs update, Terie's dongle didn't work. For some reason we could pick up all other mobile broadband 3G signals... apart from Virgin. So I had to go to the Orange shop, pick up a 30 day contract mobile dongle and bring it home. £40 for a month of internet. Needs must though - I have a job that needs finishing before the end of the weekend and I can't upload a website with no internet.

I went to bed around midnight or so, settled down, then I get told to go look after my mum who had managed to drink herself into a vomiting stupor because of stress. Nice coping method. Really. Sigh.

So not being able to un-smell the horridness of it all which made me feel ill, I didn't manage to drop off to sleep until around 5. I then get woken up at 7 because the "Sky Man" is coming to reconnect the TV etc. But of course, not the internet. Then again after paying £40 for this month, dammit, I'm going to use up my mighty 3GB download limit >.>;;

So in 3 days I've had around 5 hours sleep. I'm knackered and I'm now going to fall face first back into bed and wish the sun wasn't up. Yay whine!

Moving tomorrow, last day in this house. I've never really felt that attached to it in all honesty - it was a new build, so no history to it. However we've laid the first blocks of it's history so who knows whether it'll be standing in 100 years time.

You never really realise how much shit you have lying around until you have to pack it all up. Although I have managed to find a lot of things I thought I had lost for the longest time. It's going to be interesting trying to move the boys and girls (and christ I need to stop let their numbers grow. 8 and counting...) as they get -so pissy- being in the temp cages.

The broadband is going to take 14 days to transfer. (WTF?) And technically it would just be easier to cancel and sign back up again :P However Terie has been wonderful enough to let me borrow her mobile t'interwebs dongle, since not having the internet in the middle of building several websites seems a bit moot.

A nice fresh start :)

You tell them they can power game in a D&D game. Seriously, they've been whining about it not being sunday yet all week.

Well I guess that's what you get for being geek-famous from running one actually challenging D&D game. Needless to say I'm running a new one and just mentioning the basic idea of the game and people have jumped hoops to get into the game. They've even put an existing game on hold just so they can play in mine. *smug*

I have a totally new set of players this time (apart from Terie and Po, but they always come along for the ride :D) so it's going to be interesting to play a game with players who take the game a lot more seriously than who I've dealt with before.

Lets hope that this game actually goes through properly, unlike the last one :D

The only problem with having access to 2 desktops, 4 laptops, a netbook and 2 external harddrives is that I can never remember where I put anything. I'm going to have to resort to sticking post-it notes on everything.

I also now own books 1 to 4 of the Sword of Truth series ready to read in the downtime next week while house sitting for Terie. Luckily I've got people to look after my ratlings while I'm away. Besides it'll be nice to get some true alone time for a change - I'll be able to get some work done, some reading done and some writing too if I get the chance.

For the nerdy part of the news, Solomon Kane again tomorrow (squee) and with Tom joining the group as a perma thing it's boosted things a lot. It's very cthulhu-esque so plenty of investigation, and before only having 3 brains sitting around a table is bound to miss something. I've also transferred servers in WoW and joined another guild. More casual, more relaxed, but they seem to be getting more stuff done than the majority of the hardcore guilds on the server. Just goes to show that if you're just way too serious about it, no one wants to do it in the end.

Now, to find where I put a copy of Scott's Bleach archives...

Each week I've gotten into downloading the new episode of both Dollhouse and Legend of the Seeker but last week neither were shown so I'm needing my fix *twitch* but I took the liberty of actually buying the first book of the Sword of Truth series that Legend of the Seeker is based off.

Needless to say, I need the rest of the series. I can't think of any other word to use than Epic. I haven't read something that I've been so engrossed in for a long long time. When you get lost in a book, look across at the time and realise its 5am - that's a good book.

Working on a new website for once. It's been so stale just working for John because he's determined to have all of his sites looking exactly the same. It's nice for a change.

I've also gone back to playing through the Neverwinter Nights games as I realised that I never actually finished them the first time around. It's also been spurred on by the new roleplaying game Josh has found and has started running. It's based off the Savage Worlds system and a setting around the 1570's. A cross between true historic and cthulhu without the sanity loss (although you can have a heart attack from fear instead!).

I suppose this entry seemed more interesting in my head >.>

Wow. Just... wow. Each episode it gets better and better, WAY more than I expected.

Just two banned adverts for now. I'll post more if I find them.

I now have 6 rats. I need a cure for G.G.M.R! We ended up calling the little baby boy Romeo, and as he's growing up he's a cutie trouble maker. Running up to the others, pouncing on them to play, then running off blaming it on someone else :D That's m'boy. However I'm having to tie clear perspex to the edges of both tiers of the cage because their harmless squabbles kick out the bedding everywhere.

As for the 2 newest editions, they were two rescue girls who had been put up for adoption. They hadn't been treated badly though, just hadn't been handled much so they didn't have much of an idea of what hands were. So they were pretty bitey at first, but out of exploration albeit a bit harder than I would have liked. You're meant to make an "EEP" noise whenever they do it so they know you're a living creature and chomping is bad - although I didn't have to fake EEP when one of them was hanging innocently from my eyelid... They're called Juliette and Lila and I'll have piccies of them soon!

I've also purchased myself one of those 10" screen netbooks. I figured that it was a worthy investment compared to buying (and thus carrying) a plethora of books to every session I go to. I was considering one of those Sony Readers after I got a glimpse of Terie's, but I figured that should I need it to, a netbook could do more in the long run. That and the nifty thing plays Diablo 2 <3

Me and Po have booked Torquay again for my Birthday in September. It's such a wonderful place to go to so its probably going to be an annual thing. We'd go for his birthday too but it's right in the middle of the summer season and the place is pretty much heaving at that time of year and it's not something either of us tend to like.

Bah I really don't have much time to myself nowadays. If I'm not running around like a headless chicken for John and his websites I spend most of my nights absorbed in sheer geekery. Monday and Thursday are the only nights I'm not doing anything specific. Sure Friday is the Bath/Steak Family Dinner/Relax night, but that's still planned ahead of time. Tuesdays are now the Descent night, Wednesdays is Exalted, and the weekends are taken up with D&D. At least now I'm finally being able to do what I like and going out where I want without feeling like I need permission from who I'm with - I'm not someone's possession anymore :)

End of randomness I guess!

Well the bad news is, is that Jasper wasn't able to get over his aggression issues. He acted like he had a complete split personality and I didn't have the facilities or the time to comfortably keep him as a solitary rat, so we took him back to the rat rescue that we got him from. After a teary goodbye we've promised him that we'll visit and bring him treats on a regular basis as the woman who owns the rescue is going to look after him rather than try and rehome him.

( Good News, Pic and a little Story under the cut )

However I need help guys, he needs a name!

Well Jasper went for his castration on Friday and he was so doped up and feeling sorry for himself by the time I went to pick him up that he just curled up on my lap and went to sleep. I mushed up some banana, cucumber and a cherry tomato for him to munch on and to make sure he was kept hydrated, and he scoffed it all down without a second thought.

He looks so odd with no balls...

Luckily once the remaining hormones have calmed down he won't be so territorial over his hammock and cause fights :P We're getting a newer-bigger cage anyway that can be seperated into two cages should the need arise; he gets along with Chester well enough so he wouldn't be alone if the snip didn't work. He's going in for a check-up tomorrow but he's already back to his old self.

Also when Nick got in tonight he was asking why we hadn't noticed the 3 police vans, 4 cars and do-not-cross police tape outside the house, all along the road and cutting everything off. God knows what had happened; none of us had heard or noticed anything the entire evening. I'm sure I'll figure out what happened either tomorrow or the day after.

And tonight Charlie's bunny count went up to 5. For those who don't know, I call my car Charlie, and he likes to eat high-speed rabbits (and cyclists, and old people...). Frequently driving after midnight tends to lead to brainless rabbits charging into the middle of the road and just sitting there. And of course, at 60-ish mph I can't just slam on the brakes or swerve, so I get bits of fur stuck in my bumper instead.

Hmm.. I really need to get pics up of my boys one of these days.

Been busy recently.

Had a good christmas and new year, enjoyed every minute of it really :) I got the Sashimi Knife, Books, Socks, PJs, DVDs and the CD I wanted. I now have every DVD Boxset of The L Word, even if they are mixed regions. I'll just have to hook up my reprogrammed cheapy DVD player to play the US ones :P

The CD mind you. Christ. "101 Power Ballads" and I can't tell you how much I squee over 90% of the songs on the 6 CDs of glorious balladness. How cheesy is that =X

The ratties got 2 new hammocks, and fleece pillowcases to play around with, along with a multitude of treats left right and centre. I really need to get some pics of them up on here! Jasper is going to get the snip though on Friday; he's been too territorial and defensive due to his last home, but it's something that can be easily fixed by this op :) We're also thinking about getting them a bigger cage too. The one they're in is plenty big enough, but bigger is better really. Besides they deserve it, they're such cute little fuzzbutts ^.^

I suppose the only thing I'm miffed about is that the latest episode of Legend of the Seeker hasn't been aired in the states yet when it should have done >=| I need my seeker fix, regardless of how much they butchered the story!

After hearing so much crap about the book I wanted to go out and read it for myself. However I didn't want to spend money on a book about fangless sparkly vampires (lolwutwtf?) and no one I know is insane enough to have actually bought a copy so I couldn't borrow it either. It struck me just to download a torrent of an ebook, but reading something I'm not going to get into at a PC screen also seems a bit lame.

So I waited for the movie. I downloaded it. Hah. It was so terrible, awful and eye raping that it got me addicted to it. I couldn't stop watching it and I think I enjoyed it for that very reason. It's badly told, badly directed, badly...everything... It starts off being completely retarded, gets worse, gets even worse and towards the end it gets "good" compared to the rest, even if the reasoning for the good bits just appear out of thin air. However, the actual concept within it is actually good, although the lack of fangs upsets me. The sunlight thing was weird but it's not -so- bad I suppose. It's just a shame that a half-witted dumb fucktard of an american bimbo that looks like a horses backside thought the concept up and stuck it into what she called a "story" when it fact it was like a watery batch of mashed potatoes.

I love alternate views and stories about Vampires, although Buffy and Angel for example were too stereotypical for me. I loved "Sunshine", in fact I want to cuddle that book right now for being so brilliant, and whilst not directly to do with Vampires as we know them the young adult "Year of the Cat" series by Zoe Daniels encompasses the same ideas but with a different take. I just wish there were more out there that weren't so terribly cheesy and worth reading. Twilight tops that pile of cheese and towers over it, completely taking omgwtf?! to another level.

In other news, we have another Rat. Chester. He's adorable and just a little baby compared to the other two. He's been in for a week now and he's settling in just fine :) He actually belongs to my mother surprisingly, and she even wants another to make it back to an even number. The cage is more than big enough to house them all, its just a case of letting him settle in first before getting another ;P

Nearly Christmas. Yay! First time I've felt like that in years.

And...um... breaded chicken dippers do not taste anywhere near as good as their battered counterparts.

My attempt at NaNo failed miserably as far as writing a novel is concerned... or does writing a D&D campaign count aswell? ;P Couldn't help myself really.

Hmm seem to be in good spirits at the moment. Will probably start updating again on here, but hopefully with less rambling insanity.

It's been 12 months since I broke free of the power he had over me. 12 months since I came to my realisation that I deserved better than to be treated like a mail-order sex slave just to please his desired only when he saw fit. It doesn't seem that long ago, but the times that it still haunts me seem to drag on for a lot longer than I would like. Of course I still think about him, but the more I do the more my stomach churns when I realise how much he was manipulating me. I was never treated with the respect I deserved, and the more time I've had to think about it the more I've finally gotten pieces of myself back in order.

For all the time I was with him I was forced to believe I never had a voice of my own. I was scared to say no to him and he took advantage of that fact and I let a lot of things happen that I never should have; most of which have scarred me and I'll never be able to forget. Everytime I spoke to his friends he would feel the need to apologise for me "not knowing what I was talking about" like I was an embarrassment to him, and he would hush me. He would put me down every chance he got and kept reminding me that I wasn't as good as him. He would speak for me even if a question was directed at me, and out of fear I could do nothing but stand there and let him do it. Even when I did speak I was constantly feeling like a little child seeking approval for what I was about to say, and it was never good enough in the end.

( Very intimate, don't read if you don't want to know )

And 12 months later here I am, happy, and controlled by no one. It's going to take some time and some patience to get over what has happened. It still haunts me, god know it does, but it'll go away in time. Until then I know that when I go home and climb into bed it will be into the arms of someone who truly loves me, respects me, and would never let a day go by without telling me so.